An Open Letter to my Husband who Abandoned me while Terminal.

Dear Husband,

It has been almost a month since you made a decision that forever changed us. Now, husband I know you think since I’m sick and in palliative care I didn’t notice the neglect or the emotional abuse. However, when you made the decision to put your hands on me and the state pressed charges. You also asked for a divorce, while saying you would still continue to pay the bills if I agreed to a uncontested divorce. I may have a brain disease and I may remain silent, but it’s because I’m always observing. That same day you went as far as to say you’d always be there and wanted to remain friends. I think not. My friends wouldn’t say all of this, all while draining our bank account prior to that conversation. I had to pawn all of my valuables that I was to leave to the special people in my life. You knew I didn’t get my SSA check for 10 more days. You brought over groceries once. This was almost a month ago. You called my son, as I was falling down the stairs and wouldn’t even get me a lyft or transfer money to get one in our account.

You abandoned this family physically, financially, and emotionally a month ago, but you abandoned me well over a year ago. Remember, a couple of weeks before you asked me to google a phone number and the first thing that popped up was divorce lawyers? I simply asked you about them and being the guilty and defensive person you are, you started going off and I as tried to defuse the situation since we were in a public mall. I asked for the debit card (since you never let me have one) and you literally threw it at me in Stonesriver mall in front of your mom, God, and everyone. I went to a store, you couldn’t find me and since you love to humiliate me, you actually had the verve to scream fuck you in front of the clerk. I hated you that day. I knew then and had known for the past year that you were too coward to ask for a divorce from your dying wife. So, instead of showing me enough respect to ask for one all your aggression and hatefulness built up and you took it out on me. You treated me awful. I cried every night. You would tell me to stop my crocodile tears. You yelled and screamed at me knowing I have a brain disease. You would call me lazy, even though I’m one step away from hospice. You hated everything about me and I knew it.

It’s a Holiday today and just like every other one of them this year, you’re not here. You didn’t spend one holiday, birthday, or anniversary with me. You were not supportive of me at all. I learned to be my own person without you. Which, I kind of thank you for. I always told you though be careful how far you push me away, because I may like it there. You have literally abandoned and neglected your family and asked for a divorce, drained our account. So, what’s stopping you from getting the divorce?

You never accepted my diagnosis or the progression. You never listened to me. You couldn’t name one of my medications. You yelled anytime you had to take me to just the gas station. You never went into my apts with me. You lost all empathy and sympathy for me. You treated our dog better than me. You hated my interests. You never showed me affection. We have slept apart for a year and a month ago you had the heart to let me beg for you to come home knowing you had been planning this and I would wake up the next day negative $500.00. You couldn’t handle my disease. You couldn’t cope sober. As, you were a functioning alcoholic for 20 years, but yet you don’t think you need help or even consider yourself in recovery.

So, since you’re such a coward and or possibly a sociopath and you’ve left us high and dry and did all this scheming instead of helping me with the house or getting my walker in and out of the car. You should show enough respect to do the right thing and not continue to leave myself and child in limbo, while you’re doing God knows what with God knows who. Go on and do what you’ve been wanting to do and file for divorce.

I know you maybe waiting to see the outcome of our upcoming court date. However, we are not friends, you are not my husband nor will you ever be, I owe you nothing at this point. You’re just someone I used to know. I don’t respect any man who could do this to their family and the way you left your dying wife w/o a care in the world. So finish your evil deeds. There is not a chance in hell and I don’t care if I have to live under a bridge that we could ever reconcile. Not after you let me beg and then knew what you had in the works and completely walked out on your family. I will never respect you. You’re a coward and one of the worst men I have ever met.

I maybe dying, but you will always be known as the asshole who abandoned, abused, and neglected your dying wife and step son.

Sincerely,

Your soon-to-be ex wife. the badass Huntington Disease Warrior. That you couldn’t hold a candle to.